Subway Etiquette

Lovelies, instead of whining about Subway problems, I'm going to put out a list that should be forwarded to all of your friends living in the NYC area or pretty much any urban area that has mass transportation.  (you might need to  edit a little at first - because I might end up whining just a smidge...)

Miss Musical's Subway Etiquette:  

1. Let old people, pregnant women and mothers/ fathers with strollers & children sit down first - or if there are no seats PLEASE offer them yours!  (don't wait for Danny the douchebag who's closer to the person to notice -he won't.)  

2. If all old people, Moms & Dads with little ones, and preggers ladies are all sat, then please let the Ladies sit!  (I know that I'm setting back feminists everywhere by saying that, but c'mon!)  We have to wear heels - men don't.  We have to deal with cramps every month - men don't.  All the more reason why we should get a seat after those who are more in need. 

Chivalry is not dead - nor is kindness.  The fairer sex should get to sit first.  And yes, I'm a chick, but if I were born a dude and raised right I would STILL promote this.  

3. For the love, fellas, keep your knees no more than 6 inches apart.  I see all these short men on the subway who insist on sitting and spreading their legs while the women on either side of them have their legs squished together.  Now I know that men have to spread a little, but pequito Jose doesn't need to spread all of his 4'11'' self all over the bench -- honestly - the package on those itty bitty little men can't be THAT big.  It's just bloody annoying.  

4. Move quickly & for god's sake step WAY into the car & don't block the door.  I see so many LAZY people mozy into the cars and just stand where they can get the first space.  You HAVE to make room for the other people coming in behind you too!  The train conductors don't say "move all the way in to the center of the train" for no good reason!  They want you to DO IT!

5. A follow up on the last one - please PLEASE just don't stand in front of the doors.  Especially if your fat and your entire body takes up 1/2 of the train door entrance.  (YES - I'm talking to you Shaniqua! Loose a few!)  Or if you have kids - see question one -- just keep staring people down until someone gives you and your offspring a seat.

6. iPods.  Great for ignoring neighbors -- but not great when neighbors can hear them.  I did an experiment one day and asked the girl across from me to give me a thumbs up when she could hear my music.  Well - I didn't realize that when I listen to it kind of loud (like over 2/3 the way on volume) that she and the rest of the car - can her it too!  Embarassing!  And honestly, I like music - but I really don't want to have to hear your 50 cent or Rihanna playing...  So TURN IT DOWN.

7. Talk quietly.  No yelling please.  For the love of all that is holy....  I don't need to hear about your baby daddy nor do I need to hear you scream at him on your cell phone.  

8. If you're going to have a coffee on the subway AND read a book - please do not put the coffee on the seat next to you, it might fall during a quick stop and scald your neighbor with no health insurance.  You SHOULD put it on the floor and hold it between your feet if you insist on reading AND having coffee on your morning commute in.

9. No making out/ having sex on the subway.  I saw a couple with their hands in each other's crotches and sucking face at 8am yesterday on their way into work.  Gross.  

 

10. If you bump into someone and they say "excuse me" it's generally a good idea to say "excuse me" back.  Yes, you heard me - in North America the term when you bump into someone is "Pardon me, or Excuse me".  Nothing bugs me more than people who act more like animals than humans...

OK, that's it.  Wow - I feel really refreshed - and the MTA should totally post that list all over their subways and give riders seminars about this.  If we could train everyone properly with classes or seminars, there'd be no subway problems.  

OR we could just inforce strict laws. I like this one: spread your legs more than 6'', have a finger cut off.  

It's pretty primal, but I think it would work.