In August I met a pretty great guy. He's half British, half Brazilian, works for L'Oreal and enjoys theatre, arts & conversation. (What's that you say? "Perfect fit for Ms. Musical!" ... Yes, one would think so...)
We dated for a little over two months. He always asked me out for the next date at the end of the the date we were currently on, called me every few days to chat & generally seemed to really think I was a great girl. (He told me quite often how great he thought I was -- and let's be honest - I agreed!)
SO end of September rolls around he calls me one Thursday night out of the blue and says "I really like you, Ms. Musical, but I don't ever see us getting married. BUT, I really like to hang out with you, so can we remain friends and just cut out the sex?" Normally, because I'm a smart girl, I would say a firm No... But, as with this particular boy (let's call him Bean-O, since he had a thing for British canned beans) I was not quite so smart. So I gave him my best "I need time to and when I'm good and ready THEN we can be friends!"
---here's the kicker ---
I meant it and so did he. Friendship was for sure in the future. Because, honestly - I thought he was going to be a good fella to bounce things off of.
Thus, two months after we split I invited Bean-O to thanksgiving at my brothers house. (Nothing naughty - for all those of you thinking naughty things). I didn't think he'd accept, but he did. Thanksgiving rolls around, he joins us. A great day overall and fun is had by all! Friendly hug goodbye at the train station and we go our separate ways and I forget about him. Normal, right?
So two weeks later, I pass by a new Brazilian restaurant and think - "Bean-O and I should check this out! Looks tasty!" I called and left a friendly message. No answer. Fine - totally understandable.
I had a cabaret coming up that weekend and send a mass e-mail to all my friends to invite them.
A few days later I get this e-mail in my in-box:
I wanted to write to you about something else which I didn't get to mention when I last saw you (it wasn't like it was a thing that just"popped-up" into conversation and that is that I'm seeing someone else -quite seriously in fact. I didn't think it would be a problem that she would know about me spending thanksgiving with an ex but she flipped -really flipped. I didn't realize that it would get such a reaction but it did and now she's asked me not to be in-touch with you or any other exes. I like her a lot and I respect her wishes and so that's where I lie on this situation. I'm really sorry Ms.Musical, truly I am but I won't be able to make it to your performance (I wish you all the best at least).
WHAT?! Isn't that A.) A little "High School" of his girlfriend and B.) Totally ridiculous! If he didn't want to keep in touch with me, I'd rather he bloody well tell me than beat around the bush in this kind of fashion!!!
So I wrote him this in response:
Thanks for the e-mail. I'm sad that we can't be friends anymore.
I'm pleased to hear that you're happy. I have moved on & am happily dating new people as well... I can see where she is coming from, but just to clarify - I don't want anything from you in "that way" anymore... I just wanted to be friends. Plain & simple. I was very pleased you could join my brother & I for thanksgiving & hope that you had a good time as well.
I wish you all the best with work & your new relationship - if eventually your gal feels like you can be friends with me again please let me know. I will not try to contact you anymore and please send my apologies to your girlfriend. I didn't mean to offend with the thanksgiving offer, just wanted to be friends again... All the best for a happy & healthy year, Ms. Musical.
Classy (and adult) response, right??
So Blog-ing fans in Cyberspace: I tried to take the high road with this one. I'm still so mad that this girl would put restrictions on him like that -- I would NEVER say that to a guy. EVER. Am I a crazy person to think that her request was TOTALLY insane??? (and can I take lessons from her to learn how to keep my man on that short of a leash!!)
And is it horrible that I'm not only mad at him & this new girl, but I'm also pissed off at myself for STILL thinking about this. It's a big deal, but not THAT big of a deal... I still have a job, I can still support myself and I still have an awesome family.
Comments & thoughts are welcome on this one.
Until we meet again, your tune humming blogger,
Ms. Musical
She is probably jealous of you! You were very mature and adult like about the whole thing. He wasn't honest with you in the first place, so that is a bit sketchy. It is disappointing but his loss in the long run.
ReplyDeleteGotta say, take a close look at Bean-O. Would she put him on such a short leash if she found him trustworthy? Remove yourself from the situation as best as you can and try to see it from the outside as we do. I know it's very difficult to cut ties with someone you value as a friend, however, I question his lack of honesty to you both before Thanksgiving AND after. He shows a great lack of integrity and in time I bet you'll discover that there are richer and more rewarding relationships in your life. My adivise is simply let him go. Don't try to reconnect down the road. Step outside again and take a look at the choice he made. Does he really value your friendship? I kind of doubt it if he's choosing the short leash instead who trusts him so little as to force him to cut ties with "all ex's".
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