Oh, lovelies, I was just sorting through my e-mail and ran across my old match.com folder...
You know the one. That folder of e-mails that you hang on to so that if you're single and sad and having a SSM (sad single moment) you can look at them and feel like somewhere, someone thought "Wow - she's hot! I'd like to e-mail her!"
Well, lovelies - I just deleted that folder. For good.
BECAUSE - I have a lovely tall Ginger Englishman who tells me everyday how much he loves me and enjoys my company! (I'm actually still pinching myself that I found such a great guy with a good heart!)
And more importantly, I have started loving who I am - in the happy times and in the sad times...
Even though I love the Tall Englishman more than life itself, I was sad the past 3 months or so. It was a transition, a process that I was working through. There was a lot of resistance that came along with moving to the Battery Park City neighborhood...
I was angry about my long walk to the train from our apartment on the river, I was sad about leaving my quaint Queens apartment that I'd spend 4 long years decorating and I was nervous and scared about not having my creative freedom be able to flourish in a community with fewer actors and artists. I was so proud to live in Actoria - with all the other actors that it was really hard for me to move into Manhattan.
But the switch flipped when I started doing some of the stuff that I did in my single girl days - like going to see some theatre spur of the moment. Or taking an acting class. Or something as simple as having a manicure! Doing things that were just for me really helped.
And when I started to say to myself "Yeah, so I'm angry/ sad/ frustrated/ hurt/ (fill in the blank) and I'm not going to beat myself up about feeling that way - because I feel that way just for now, not forever." WOW. That really helped. A lot.
Now I actually am starting to see some of the positives to living in the Battery Park City neighborhood... Like the beautiful tree lined esplanade and the marina where the big boats pull in and out of the harbor. And the dog run where my beautiful puppy Crumpet loves to play... And the spacious apartment we have, which is really quite perfect for a new couple just trying to start their life together.
When I finally can see the beauty in all of this, my gratitude just bubbles over.
I have so much! My life is so good!
I love my Tall Ginga Englishman, I love my time auditioning and I am now starting to love the next chapter of my life in a different part of New York City...
Taking it back to the beginning- I'm so glad I deleted those e-mails. (But I did look at them one last time - and you know what?? They didn't make me feel nearly as good as having the Tall Englishman send me an e-mail or leave me a voicemail or tell me every night before we go to bed that he loves me...)
